Don't you EVER EVER EVER do that to my brother

More drama in the House that Wren Built. The bathroom remodel has made it more difficult to bathe. Last night I realized I had lost count of the days since Frost showered and was certain he had not washed his hair since he last went swimming with Alex weeks ago. I told him he had to shower before bed.

"No way" he said. "It took too long doing my homework."

"Well, then you shower in the morning."

"OOOOKKaaaay."

This morning I told Frost it was time to shower. He denied it. He asked me if I wanted him to miss his bus.

"Its an hour before the bus leaves. You have time to shower and wash your hair and eat breakfast."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Arrgh."

I follow Frost down into the basement. It is all dark because Kellie is staying with us and sleeping down there. Frost shivers melodramatically in his black footed pajamas. Wren follows, with concern. I turn on the shower in the laundry and leave a big towel on the pile of wood offcuts. Then I squeeze a dollop of my shampoo and try and put it on Frost's hair.

"NOOOOO, YOU IDIOT" he yells. "That's grownup shampoo!"

"Don't do that to my brother!!!" yells Wren from the doorway. He is afraid of the shower - scared that I might plop him in it but Frost's screaming is doing nothing to allay his concerns.

"Oh, just wash your hair quickly." I command.

Frost has shut his eyes and is now flailing around in the shower darkness in fear of the foam.

"Aaaah. That will sting me. Aaaah aaaah"

"JUST WASH IT QUCKLY!"

"Damn it, damn it." he curses, washing.

"Okay, you can get out now. You're done."

"No, its nice. I am not getting out."

I sigh and leave him to it, scooping up Wren at the doorway.

"You must never ever ever ever do that to my brother again!" he tells me. "NEVER NEVER"

"He is just showering."

"No, you must never ever ever ever do that to my brother. You put him IN THE CAR WASH!"

I am laughing but trying to be serious. Wren is now Frost's defender against me: the ogre of hairwash torture. This is a familiar figure in Wren mythology.

"If he baths I won't."

"No, never ever do that to my brother."

"Ok Wren."