Friday, June 3, 2011

The Smell of Poop in the Morning

At six thirty am I standing in the rain under the plum tree waiting for Beazle to pee.  The crows are hopping around in the black walnut tree and two squirrels dash along the top of the fence from tree to bush.   Beazle walks slowly, lifting and placing his paws carefully on the sodden grass.  He is very low down and his belly scrapes so he comes in from peeing all wet and needs a toweling before I tuck him back into bed with Joshua.

A few minutes before seven, Frost staggers through, wrapped in a blanket, and curls on the couch to read a Foxtrot comic he has read 100 times before.  He has limited inputs so when he's reading he cannot hear me and all my injunctions to "get dressed" "Give me your dirty lunchbox" and "check if your Jogathon claims are due today" fall on deaf ears.

[Mushashis for lunch.  Aside: can I just say, Japanese Seaweed Salad is my most favorite thing and I have to learn to make it.  It has the perfect balance of salt, sesame, spice and green crunch.  I could eat cups of it a day.   I wonder where you buy the fresh seaweed to make it. I wonder what species of seaweed it is?]

Wren wakes up a little later and immediately asks if he has to go to school today and then sits at the kitchen table weeping piteously when I say "yes".  

An hour later things are under control.  Wren is dressed.  Frost has eaten Penny Arcade and read his breakfast.  Wren has checked Zombie Farm and killed a Boss and some big carrots.

I wake Beazle to play with the boys and they bounch around the living room a bit while Wren builds a fort of pillows.  All is well.

"Mom.  Beazle is POOPING!"  yells Frost. 
"I don't want to see it!" says Wren.

I grab Beazle and run to get a bag to pick up the poop.  As I gather the poop and clean the carpet  Frost shouts "Beazle has more poop hanging out of his bottom!"

"Argh!" Yells Wren, passing fast.

I swoop on Beazle with a plastic bag hand to try and catch the poo.  Beazle swings away from me, swinging the poop around.  It appears to be attached by some of my long hairs which is has unfortunately ingested.

"Mum, Wren is THROWING UP IN HIS HAND!" shouts Frost, informatively.

I grab the attached poop and Beazle squeaks as I pull it out.   Wren is crying in the bathroom.   I throw the poop in the bin and run in to find him throwing up on the floor.

"When will it stop?" he asks.  "Is there still poo?"

"No, its gone."

"I smell poo!"  he sobs, throwing up again at the thought of it.

Wren is now needing a change of clothes.  There is vomit all over the toilet.  Frost is shouting out something important about Where Beazle is, what happened or the stats of a Magic card.  I have no idea.  I cannot hear.   I haven't washed my hands yet and we are late for preschool. 

I clean Wren.  I clean the bathroom.  I wipe and spritz the kitchen.  I put on my raincoat and go to work.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Pre-Summer, Pre-Move, Pre-Puppy Sleeping post

Its dark and my bath is run in so I am typing fast.  I have promised my mother I will write this post so that she can read it when she wakes up in Malawi.  I am typing even faster as I realize (6:14am Sunday (CAT) - Time in Malawi) that the sun is already up in Africa and she may well be getting ready for Breakfast.  So I shall post this now and update it .....

To continue.

The house is full of boxes and we are packing.  We are moving house.  The house we are moving to is wonderful and we are very excited.  However, although the actual move is more than a month away, we have a long list of tasks to do to prepare this house for sale.   We have to do all the little maintenance tasks that we delayed as well as some larger ones like replacing the roof.  We are also doing some interior painting.

Josh and I are fighting about paint.  He feels we can leave the living room red.  Our realtor has recommended we paint it taupe.  Taupe is the new black.  I think the argument goes that if people think our house is stylish they will perceive it as more valuable and pay us more money,

We want that.

Josh says he has given up keeping track of money as it seems to go out in chunks of $1,000.

We have locked our interest rate at 4.5% so I am no longer losing sleep over market conditions and can now lose sleep because of the damn dog.

Oh, we do love him but he is still a bad sleeper.  He's fine if he is not interrupted in the night but he seems a bit day-night reversed and so if he is woken in the night he cries and yelps and hits is crate door to be let out.  If you take him out to pee he seldom performs and gets even more excited and wags a lot and jumps up as if 2.45am is breakfast.

It - is - not- breakfast.

Last night he was woken at 2.45am by me chasing a raccoon out of the kitchen.  The raccoon was eating the cat food and I threw a shoe at it.  It left through the cat door but did not leave the deck.  I crouched by the cat door in the dark and when the raccoon came back in (by the way, this cat door has a magnetic latch and is supposed to be raccoon proof but it is not because they are clever buggers and hit it to make it bounce open and then catch the flap with their fingers) I hit it on the head with a Blundstone boot.  Then it ran away.

But Beezle was awake and howled and yelped and whimpered and whined for 30 *expletive* minutes.   I had only one earplug in so I couldn't roll over and I wondered if any noise might excite Beezle to wake further so I lay trapped by the puppy and my earplug arrangement.  In the end Joshua (who had no earplugs) got up and yelled *expletive* dog *expletive* and left the room to sleep on the couch.  I took Beezle to pee (but he did not) and then let him go to sleep by the bed in his kennel with my hand jammed in the door. 

I did not love him so much when he woke at 6am like clockwork, played for 20 minutes and then went back to sleep for 3 hours.

Evil dog.

Cute dog too.  And he is very clever - he already knows sit, his name and to come when you hold out your hand and say "touch".  He is now sitting on a folded blanket at my feet.  Everyone thinks his coloring is remarkable.  Wren says "he is ADORABLE" to everyone we meet.

We have started packing toys and things.  Also putting things aside for a Garage Sale in mid-June.  We are thinking of moving out of our bedroom and sleeping in Wren's room for a week while we paint our room in its entirety.  Paying $3,000 for house painting does not feel worthwhile while I am being paid less than the painter.  "I will paint!"

I am sure I will have some cussing in a week or so... but that is that plan for now.

Summer Plans
Within a week, Wren will be finished with his first year of regular preschool.  He is going to a summer program a couple of mornings a week so I can continue working.  Frost has another month of school (just under).  Other than a camping trip in late June (just before the move) we have put other summer plans on hold  due to the work and expense of moving.  I am planning on giving Frost a daily homework pack to do which will have fun things to write about (his handwriting needs practice) and math problems to help get long division and multiplication more accurate.   I am also thinking of doing a weekly project with the kids to explore something together.  

Lately, I have found it hard to connect with the kids' interests.  Frost and Wren walk around spouting Magic Card statistics and Frost reads comics and funny Videos on Youtube - clips of funny moments in Halo or Farmville absorb his interest.  

I think that a good dose of mushrooms,  or beaches,  or exploring What is your favorite Dim sim, would be fun and help me remain interested in exploring things with them.  Right now I am all "pigs in the forest" 'ed out.

I have Given Beezle a rawhide bone and he is now content.  Josh is playing a game of soccer on his computer and I am going to read an escapist book in the bath.

There are no pictures because my MacBook is in the Apple Store for repairs.  The hard drive or the drive cable are faulty and things keep breaking and hanging.  I am bereft but hope my computer returns on Monday.

Till then you get me textually. 

Mum - have a great sojourn in Zambia.  May the animals be exhibitionist and the camera always ready.