Cardiology Clinic & Icy Weather

Wren had another cardiology check-up today. It is still icy (was 17 degrees F, around -7C, when I left at 8am this morning) and the streets were packed white with ice. The arterials were clear but there were almost no cars out.

I found clinic very difficult. When I watched the echo it was clear that there is still a lot of turbulence through the aortic valve. After the echo there was a long wait to see Dr Olson and I started to imagine the worst - he needed surgery again NOW, the valve was failing, he was in heart failure.

It turns out that its not that bad. His gradient was up a bit - 3.8mm/sec through the valve - but Dr Olson felt it was still relatively stable. Why can't stable be lower? Why does it have to creep? The mitral valve is still mild-moderate.

What I realized is that I am very very anxious about Wren's heart but I don't think about it day to day as much as I did pre-surgery. That doesn't mean my anxiety has gone anywhere except underground. I am starting to understand those parents who steal their children from hospital and run away with them. With Wren looking so good day to day it feels as if the hospital makes him be a sick kid and when he is at home everything is fine. As we approach the hospital both Wren and I feel lousy. Wren starts asking for comfort ("want milk?") and reassurance ("no owie?" "Owie all gone?") while I feel sick and defensive and like bursting into tears.

I just can't stand the tension of waiting to hear how the echo is. I wish the Doctors could be standing right there and explaining things to me so I wouldn't have to go through such a process of dread. Today was worse because there was a delay post-echo (probably due to ppl being delayed by snow).

Our next appointment is in 3 months so we shall be able to get a better sense of the trend in gradient. We can taper lasix to 1X day for a week and then stop it.

In January, I am going to see a therapist I saw last year. Hopefully she can help me put these fears in perspective and to cope a bit better.

Snow activities
I took the rice out of the sensory table and let the boys play with snow in it. Frost liked to melt it with the hairdryer and Wren wanted to eat and scoop it. They were both very excited and ran around the house squeaking and talking about it, wanting more and wanting to HAVE IT ALL.

We also went for a walk and it was very cold but lovely to see the sun. Wren wanted to walk a long way but he lacks good snow boots so I brought him home after one lap of the block. He saw icicles, ate frozen raspberries, wanted to see the chickens and examined the stones in the sidewalk poking through the snow. Here is Frost dragging Wren in the sled and then sledding with Elias yesterday.



Frost wanted to talk about everything all the time. When I didn't talk fast enough he would narrate his experience to Wren. Frost was hunting for icicles and wanted to harvest them from strangers homes. He also liked making snowballs. He didn't want to go sledding today. If there is more snow this weekend I shall insist!

Here they are in the garden building a snow fort for the army guys.