Doing the right thing

Do you ever try and do the right thing but the way it happens feels wrong? I have been trying to do the right thing and give away the vast supply of expressed breastmilk I have from the time Wren was in hospital unable to nurse. I think I have 40 bags at least of about 5oz each and have thrown away half as much. I tried to find recipients but didn't have any luck until someone put me onto Milkshare. Milkshare is a really cool donor milk sharing site which hooks up those willing to donate breastmilk with those in need. The recipients range from adopted babies, surrogate-had babies to babies of those who cannot breastfeed their own children for various reasons (surgery, medication, supply). Anyway, we all agree its great, right? I have even found a few families in Seattle who need milk for their babies.

Here is where it gets icky. Of course I understand that you would want to ensure that the person who is giving you milk is healthy, you don't want to get your baby sick - you are doing this to give him or her the best start. So you want the donor to prove they are healthy. This means filling out a really long medical and personal history as well as having a blood test for HIV 1 &2, Hepatitis B & C, Syphilis and HTLV I & II.

Now, I don't know what the HTLV s are and I am not sure that my standard prenatal screen would cover them. Regardless, to give this milk away is getting harder and harder. It now seems I would need to get a new bloodtest done. Also, I have to document any days of fever or medication, vitamins, whether I am vegetarian etc etc.

I really do understand that its to keep the babies safe but honestly, it feels too hard right now. It makes me feel icky - like I am being judged. Throwing it away is also hard. Sigh.

Meanwhle, I had very little sleep since Wren woke every 90 minutes except for one 3 hour stretch. Josh was also up a lot in the night because Wren screamed and wouldn't be rocked back to sleep. I stood firm and refused to nurse him on the 5th time he wanted to nurse back to sleep but eventually caved in. Bear in mind he usually nurses only once overnight.

Sigh, again.

He seems okay this morning but a bit less happy and a bit more clingy than usual. I suspect he is getting a cold as he had a stuffy nose and cough in the night. Its either that or allergies. Josh and I both have stuffy noses this morning.