This is from an email I sent Laurie. I don't think I can type anything else tonight. I am going to drink peppermint tea and try to get to bed before 11pm.
"I am having a weepy-sobby day again due [to hormones and] to Wren vomitting all over me 3 times. I am now in dread of feedings (again) because half the time they come up all over both of us in a vomiting choking mess. I am afraid he will be losing weight again because of this.
On top of this my Mum leaves tomorrow AND I went to fetch Josh and got caught in the I-90 collision gridlock for almost 2 hours on a trip downtown. I have never been reduced to tears by traffic but this was it. Josh says I was "making up pitiful little stories about myself". This is true. I was feeling tragic that I wasn't with Wren, that we were late for his feed, that I had only had a Luna bar for dinner, that Frost is miserable with me ... etc. I managed to weep all the way home and still refused to let josh drive. I think I almost agreed to buy a second car (except J wants a new Mini Cooper and I want a $2000 bomb).
In the middle of my day the Social Security Administration called to see whether we qualified for supplemental benefits due to having a child with a disability (or birth defect or medical case or something like that). I spent about 10 minutes explaining that we didn't need a means-tested benefit but the interviewer kept saying that she needed to do the screening to check on my son's eligibility. After 20 minutes she said "sorry, he is not eligible". Argh! He had been yelling and needing diaper change for half the time.
5 comments:
if he has lost weight and you think it could be because of the reflex or if he is having trouble with the feeds ask about slowing them down by making the time he gets the amount longer to give his tummy some time to deal with the amount. izabell went to 24 cc an hour to help her with spitting up. also if he is nursing better and gaining weight maybe you can see what they think about even less tube feeding and another nursing time a day? Trust how you feel about it all (with the docotrs imput of course) always trust yourself and feelings
Shannon, Sandra here from Dec 06 boards. It is so hard having a 'sick' baby. My DD was a preemie and she vomited so much. She would use all her energy drinking then vomit it all back. It was heart breaking at the time and very stressful. Despite that,she thrived and I am sure Wren will too. You are doing your best and I am sure doing a great job. I think the hospitals tend to expect them to take too much, they did with Elizabeth. Usually Mum knows best, so take it easy on yourself.
It is interesting about how fast/much he is expected to take. Do you think it changes over time? Last week he was fine with this volume but now its a bit of a risk each time.
He is doing 85CC over 30 minutes. I could try it over longer periods I guess... but when they tried it over an hour in the hospital he cried a lot because he didn't feel full fast enough.
I shall talk this over at the hospital today.
Shannon-
I am so glad you are using this blog for therapy--just vent and cry and vent some more....I know this must be soo difficult--you are a strong woman and you will get through this...please know that you have a lot of cyber girlfriends that are following Wren's progress and praying he will get better really soon!
Robin (from RPL board)
Thanks Robin
I have been on such an emotional roller-coaster the past few days that I had to write about it. Its like the time in early pregnancy when you weep through all the life-insurance commercials.
Anyway, today feels a bit more stable and I am looking forward to my nap.
Thankyou for checking in on us and giving your support. I still visit RPL daily although not for as long and without time to post.
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