Thursday, January 4, 2007

Losing it

I have been fighting with the ng-tube all day. Yesterday it kept getting "blocked" in a way that made it impossible to retract fluid to confirm that it was in his belly. The help line said it was a placement problem and that the tube was pushed up against his stomach lining. I felt awful - had I been sucking holes in his stomach?

They assured me this was not the case but that it could cause "a hicky" in his tummy. A hicky? I am sure this is not a lovebite situation.

Today, the 9am feed was fine but each time I tried again I failed to clear the tube and couldn't do the 3pm or 6pm feeds. I ended up in tears, feeling I was failing to give him what he needs AND/OR was hurting him. The whole process of placement and trying to clear the tube involves pushing a bit of air into his belly, then a few CC's of water, alternatively warm water and/or cranberry juice. The whole process is a nightmare as he cries, I cry, Frost tries to sing (loudly) to calm Wren and then turns on a baby CD (loudly) and Mum gives her views (that this isn't working, try later, try with Josh, just nurse him etc).

I called the help-line about 5 times today and he different advice each time. Some said try a new tube, use 5CCs of fluid to flush the line, try OJ, try COCA-COLA!!!, dissolve the crushed aspirin in hot water first, separate the meds delivery with a bolus of 1CC of water... blah blah.

Finally, he most experienced NP said it is just a matter of placement and suggested that we not hold him while we do the feed as the tube can move into a part of the stomach that blocks uptake but it still fine for the feed. She told me to lay him on his back and/or just do the air-pop test (I won't go into this for everyone) and then deliver the feed. She told me to do a bolus feed for the short nursing I gave him to calm him (and myself). I keep thinking "what would the neighbours think?" if they see me sitting sobbing into the phone on the glider-rocker. Its not a matter of the neighbours thinking anything but they have had lots of guests today!

So, finally, I followed her advice and gave him 40ml of enriched BM and it went in fine and Wren fell asleep (finally). With the schedule so messed up I am not sure whether I am starving him or overfeeding him.


Izabell said...

izzy tube did this sometimes also. i also worried that i had hurt her stomache from pulling and getting nothing. she was fine though. I used the air mythod more after that and soemtimes i used both methods. if you really get worried and need to feel better you can take him to the er and they will check it for you also with out thinking you are crazy. your doing a good job, I think we all end up in tears. You are both making progress just lok at your post, your doing great! I hope that you get some rest tonight so that your feeling stronger in the morning. always trust your feelings even if it is hard you do know him best:)

Izabell said...

childrens ER helped me with izzys ng tube a couple of times and it took less time then waiting on the phone and gave me more confidence also. they are wonderfully staffed with very supportive nurses and doctors. We never really had to wait very long probaly because it was an easy fast problem to solve. it did help ease my nerves to know that they were always avalible.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Shannon! This will get easier. Trust your instincts and your heart. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to call a friend to just cry. Wish I could be around more to lend a shoulder to cry on. You will get through this.


Anonymous said...

Ditto what Tracy said. Please call anytime you need to cry, scream, yell, etc about whatever! You're doing great. Hang in there.