Off center, out of focus and up to my knees in mud

I haven't written much recently and for that I apologize. I know you don't expect it but I do try and craft a bit of a happy story for you readers. It's usually not hard to pick a moment to share and to find a picture in which the kids look Interesting and Beautiful. Still, this week I have been in a funk and reluctant to portray it.

I'm not sure why.

Perhaps its because there is nothing dramatically bad happening to me but lots of things that feel like hard work. Those of you who have followed on Facebook know that I had a bad day on Tuesday. It started a bit too early (in the 5 instead of 6am) and careened off track when the basement flooded due to the door of the front loader washing machine being a bit open and pouring water out undetected for a very long time. Its been 5 days and the carpet is still smelling like a wet dog. That evening I received the news that I was not considered qualified for a position in grant-writing for a local non-profit. It was one of a few volunteer positions they had open for grant-writing and as I have some experience in the area and was doing a class in nonprofits I thought I would be a good match. I am not upset with them - I understand an organization wanting the most skilled people as their volunteers - but it was discouraging to feel I cannot even volunteer my services, let alone get paid for them.>

Wren struggling to carry the paint swatches (wind, rain, cold)

Lets see, I heard some bad news yesterday about a friend's family: news which is haunting me and instead of just saying how having a boring life is just fabulously lucky I am obsessed with the fact that our chickens poop on the deck [a lot] and Wren steps in it [a lot]. Recently recently they had ghastly liquid poops which they conspired to leave on the doormat so I feel we are cooped up indoors [pun intended] while the chickens run wild with their gastro-intestinal issues. There are only so many poops you can wipe up with those super absorbent paper towels before you just want to disinfect the whole deck and then you think, "gosh, its going to rain anyway" but it rains and the poop stays through the rain and just spreads out and goes sloppy so ....

We are remodeling the bathroom and demolition/construction should start this week. Enough said about the choices involved - everything from tiles to tubs to faucets has to be talked about. Joshua and I do not like to talk a lot... about details.

And finally we decided to do a Nice Family Thing and pick our own pumpkins on Saturday. That would be a good blog post photo op? Right? When we got there it was the scene that puts any suburban minivan driver in dread - foot deep mud and respectable SUVs spinning their wheels and churning mud everywhere in a splendid display of what happens to fertile flooded fields when they are used as car parks.

Joshua came to the farm and was wearing Crocs. Frost was also wearing Crocs. For those not familiar with them they are rubber clogs with holes in which Seattlites wear with socks (sometimes). The socks got muddy. They didn't like it. They pulled faces and wanted to leave.

She said "you'll do this if you love the children"

Wren was very worried about the mud and felt anxious that our car would be stuck in the mud. I spent a few quarters on animal feed to feed the farm goats and chickens but the animals wouldn't eat the feed so I ended up throwing it away and the animals and chickens ate kettle corn instead. Everyone was happy when we beat a retreat and took some pictures and decided to buy our pumpkins at Safeway where they can be cleanly loaded into the trunk.

What, you want me to smile now?

I've had moments to myself (while Heather watches Wren) but I don't seem to recover much in these periods. I have been running around looking at hardware for the bathroom and then drinking too much coffee and avoiding things. I am not sure what I am avoiding... just that there must be something organic, thoughtful and joyful that I could be doing with a few hours a week instead of fantasizing about crawling into bed with a novel about a very bad and unlikely crime.

The only really lovely thing is that we have coffee logs again. Coffee logs (made from recycled coffee grounds) are my favorite part of colder weather. It makes the living room feel like a nook. I drink diet hot chocolate and watch House and its fun even though I fast forward through half of it because I don't want to waste a whole hour on a TV show and they seem to come in hour long blocks. I can figure it out mostly despite the accelerated pace.

Anyway, we are all well (although swine flu rages around us) and I shall drag myself out of this blarg state shortly. I hope. Tomorrow I am working at preschool in the morning because some families are sick and I am having my haircut in the afternoon. My secret, pessimistic, dread about the haircut is that the hairdresser will say "oh, you have lice!" [I have not felt safe from hair bugs since Frost's infestation at the end of summer although I have checked the kids more than weekly and found no trace of the critters.]

PS. I took Wren to the pet store today to buy kitty food and he announced loudly (to the concern of a man buying gourmet beef bits in gravy) that "Some people kill their kitties and then they are DEAD!" I think it was his way of mourning Kitty Kasharoo who died some months ago after I took her to the vet and made her dead. See, he knows.

I promise to make you laugh tomorrow. Frost has done a series of vignettes of a wicked Skeleton. They make me laugh every time.