Diamonds are dead

Wren really needs more toddler friends. I have signed him up for co-op preschool this fall and along with the usual anxieties about "how will he cope being left at preschool for the first time" and "I hope he doesn't hit someone" are thoughts like "I hope he doesn't yell I FIGHT YOU AND YOU DEAD" or grab a foam toy some kid is building with and start brandishing it like a sword. Wren is really 2 going on 8 because that is his real playgroup.

Anyway, this morning at breakfast I brought out the bugs. The bugs are little rubber bugs used for counting and sorting games. While I cleaned up breakfast Wren slowly moved the bugs out the box and made a collection on the table. This was his monologue:

"Dey called DIEMONDS
They die
They DEAD.
Diamonds are killed.
Diamonds.
Dey called orange diamonds. [these were the orange bugs]
Dey orange.
Diamonds cos they die."

"Wren," I asked. "Why are they called diamonds."

He didn't even look up but apparently my question was dumb.

"Dey diamonds. Dey abslutely DEAD."

Great. That's clear now.

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Meanwhile, through absent minded carelessness Frost continues to get injured around the house. He runs into things, stubs his toes on doors, pinches his fingers in things and weeps and moans for short periods of theatric agony fairly frequently.

My sympathy is taxed and my empathy is pretty non-existant in this area.

This morning he was faux weeping again clutching his elbow. I tried to look sympathetic and asked what happened. "Ow, ow. I hit my arm on the chair."

I said I was sorry but suggested he should try and move a bit more slowly or be more aware of his body.

"I AM AWARE OF MY BODY. I just get hurt in very unlikely ways!" he said.
"Well, what happened?" I asked.
"I was coming in the door and this side of my arm hit into the chair so I turned that way and then my arm was hooked IN THE CHAIR but I pulled away and it wrenched my arm and it was pulled off almost."

I sighed. I can't help myself. How do you guard your child against such unlikely accidents. How do you maintain a perky level of sympathy when they happen again and again and you think its their fault? I know I should do better but I just want to know when natural consequences start to teach the lesson. I mean, isn't pain there for a purpose?

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While I was writing this post the boys got into an argument and Frost and Wren rushed into the house from the garden, Frost brandishing the large pencil (1 foot long and red) at Wren. I decided to use our school technique for resolving playground disputes and sat them both on the floor in the kitchen for a "knee to knee". The idea is that you each have a chance to talk uninterrupted and have your feelings and version of events heard, leading to mutual understanding. I have edited out most of my facilitation:

Wren started off saying "Frost come to destroy me with BIG PENCIL!"
Frost: "But before that Wren, what did you do?"
Wren: "Frost have big pencil. Frost CROSS because Wren don't stand in goal [soccer goal]"
Frost: "No, AFTER that."
Me: Frost you explain what happened.
Frost: "Wren, what happened with my book?"
Wren: I took the book and I THREW it in garden. I say YOU IDIOT.
Frost: Yes, and then what did you do?
Wren: I threw it.
Frost: Then he took his chair and he pushed it down the stairs and I was coming up the stairs. So, it could have hit me.
Wren: I threw it down. Frost is mad.

I explain to Wren that Frost is sad Wren threw his book in the garden and we do not throw books. I explain that the chair can hurt Frost. I tell Frost Wren does not have to stand in the goal to let Frost play soccer [last night Frost went to a Sounders' soccer game with Josh and is all excited to play soccer]. I tell them that the big pencil is for WRITING.

They agree for now. Hug, kiss and say sorry.

Frost is so validated and happy by having his experiences heard that he rushes to the basement and brings ALL HIS PLAYMOBIL up to Wren's room (5 boxes of it) and they are now building a vast army on Wren's floor.

Of course, this will perpetuate the growth of Wren's vocabulary into all things military at a time when he should simply being stacking blocks.

In other news. Grandad Peter arrives from South Africa (via NYC) today. We are cleaning and very excited.