Its all about sunshine

In a previous post I mentioned I have been sick. I had a cold/cough/fever thing that really knocked me about. Today I am feeling better but I am moody. After I get sick enough to collapse in bed I find myself quiet emotional. This morning I burst into tears listening to the news that the OCO had crashed into the ocean after a launch failure. I am still really sad about it, about the time spent in creating it and the hopes that sank with it.

The kids were concerned when they saw me crying. Wren said "Mummy alright?" and I said I was but the rocket wasn't. Frost said "so did a lot of people die?" and when I said that no people died he looked at me funny. I tried to explain about people working since he was born to envisage and create this thing to give us more information to model and understand global warming but it unraveled into pathos and I felt sadder. Frost turned off the news and put on Michael Jackson instead then they both danced about to it.

Last week I was told that I am Vitamin D deficient so I bought some supplements today. I don't know if they will work. I feel I need warming up and profound brightness not a capsule The sun IS out but its like skim milk compared to whipping cream. It doesn't warm you. I have lived lots of places in the world and I have to say I like the color of the sun best in Africa. The Australian sun is too bright and the Seattle sun is too low in the sky, even in summer it doesn't move into the same spectrum as light in Africa. in South Africa the sun is thick like honey, really lots of red in it. You feel warm just looking at it. Even in Joburg where it gets cold and thin skied the sun is still vibrant. The sun in winter is like the light in a movie where you're in an alley too narrow for much light to enter and there is a wind blowing and newspapers have separated and are blowing about.

Josh is putting in his passport application this week and many hopes come into play around it. We hope Wren's next cardiology clinic (Monday 2nd March) clears him to travel to Australia. We hope the fares stay low enough to get us a flight. We hope Josh's passport comes in time to travel when we can. I hope we can travel while its still hot enough to swim in the sea (although Josh wants to delay travel until the sun is a bit dilute). We shall see. Its too soon to dream of timing but I am hoping.

Wren is well. He has been waking at 5.30am and asking to play Duplo as soon as he has nursed. He loves chasing Frost and running with sticks. He shoots me with guns (I know, I am doing something Wrong) and loves Sesame Street but is terrified of Mr Noodle, jays in the garden and feral squirrels.

Last night Frost woke at 4am and came in to tell me he had dreamt it was time to wake up but his clock said it wasn't and it looked dark so what should he do?

I guess I am in a funk. If I was a single girl or even a childless girl this is the mood in which I'd take some personal time and lounge at home with tea for a bit to regather and then do some spontaneous and random things like driving north to find a swan or going to the UW library and chosing a call number at random. I want to meditate and live in a yurt with an anglo-nubian goat for milk, sew a quilt of peacocks, paint a long panel from an old photograph of a Cape-Town beach. I want to live on one crock-pot of soup for a week.

A child known in our heart community is struggling on ECMO after a failed heart transplant. I shouldn't have looked. When will I learn.

I just want sunshine and fresh guava. I can't even find a canned guava around here. Hey, some South African please mail me a can of Koo Guavas.