Nursing a Toddler (AKA Wean rhymes with Mean)

When I was pregnant with Wren I signed up for a parenting email from Swedish Medical Center. Over the past months I have received these two, rather contradictory emails from the folks at Swedish. They are on the subject of NURSING TODDLERS. Last summer, a lady approached me by the swimming pool where Wren and I were watching Frost do swimming lessons. She invited me to join their support group for mothers nursing older children. I looked at her in shock. IMHO an 18 month old is not an older child in the nursing universe. Wren agreed and we thought no more about it.

Fast forward 6 months and this is a bit of an issue at home at the moment, not because I am embarrassed about nursing a big baby but because Wren doesn't sleep through the night, wants to nurse instead of eat and is a total tyrant about it.

These are some of his words on nursing:

When he wants to nurse instead of sleep. "Want milk NOW."
When he wants to nurse more instead of going to bed. "More milk. Want OTHERSIDE now."
When I tell him its "all gone". "Try? Try otherside now?"
When I tell him its time to eat lunch. "I do not want to. Want MILK now. Milk on couch!" [this is his favored place to nurse].
When I tell him I can't right now he starts sobbing, falls on the floor and screams "want milk."

I recall a story I read a while ago about a woman trying to wean her toddler. They were planning a trip by aeroplane and she suggested her son nurse before they left for the airport. When he replied that "I will have milk after we take off" she realized he had been nursed too long.

Anyway, here are those Swedish emails:

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From Swedish Medical Center Parent Newsletter 11/25/08

Parenting Q&A
Q:
My daughter will be 2 years old next week, and we're still nursing. She shows no signs of wanting to wean, and I don't mind. We nurse early in the morning and at night as she goes to bed (and sometimes during the day), but I'm beginning to wonder if she's getting too old.

A:The American Academy of Pediatrics urges mothers to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life and to continue nursing to the first birthday, and as long after that as both mother and child desire. While nursing toddlers are not common in the United States, in much of the rest of the world they are the norm. While your daughter obtains most of her nutrients from other foods by this age, she still gains much from nursing: closeness to you and the calm it provides during her busy days. You can encourage her to wean when one or both of you is ready by finding other ways in which to be close and calm. Until then, enjoy your special times with your daughter.

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My 2-year-old is still nursing, and I'm glad. But sometimes she asks to nurse in public and cries if I don't let her. How can I teach when it is okay to nurse and when it is not?

A:While the American Academy of Pediatrics applauds you for continuing to nurse your toddler as long as you both desire, the North American public is not always so approving. Nursing in public, especially when the child is a toddler rather than a small baby, draws attention and too often disapproval in our cities and towns. Your daughter may want to nurse, but you don’t want to endure strange looks and rude comments. Your daughter is old enough, however, to be asked to wait a little to nurse. Can you find an alternative activity that will help her to be patient? Perhaps a drink of water on a sippy cup or a bagel to chew on will hold her. Her emerging sense that other people may feel differently than she does, and awareness that their eyes may be on her, will help you to teach her that public and private behavior can be different.

I think that its encouraging that such a mainstream publication is facing questions about nursing toddlers but the part i want more information on is this:

"You can encourage him to wean when one or both of you is ready by finding other ways in which to be close and calm. "

Huh!

Try telling Wren that. If I am carrying him and rest him slightly sideways in my arms he starts sqwarking MILK. I am still trapped at home by the need to nurse him to sleep and recently have been required to come home around the end of naptime because of the tantrum Wren throws about waking if I am not there to fuel him up.

I feel I am ready to end the nursing relationship but he is not. What do you do in this situation? Josh and I said that he could have a few months after heart surgery. You know, you have to give him a bit of room. But I feel the leash is tightening not loosening. Symptomatically, the strap of one of my last nursing bra's snapped today and I feel this is a metaphor. The time has come and I am not going to buy another one.

Now I need to run home for Wren because he should be waking soon. Sorry for the abrupt conclusion (or lack thereof). This is part of the ISSUE.