Sucking you back in

The week before school starts is always busy. Its a time to grasp the last of summer as well as prepare for a change in routine. Its time to let them stay up all night but also to adjust to bedtime at a more reasonable hour. Its a time to attend all those school socials while your sanity is already frayed from one-too-many hours stopping the kids cutting popsicle sticks on the deli-slicer [the one you found free in the street and thought it looked too good to pass up]. At times it feels like struggling to put a car in first gear while running out of control down a hill. You start wishing for an emergency pull-out.

Well, this weekend I am going to have one. I am going to see Dave Matthews perform at the Gorge. This will be my first time at the Gorge and my first full DMB concert. I am very excited on both counts. I am going 'alone' but with a group from our last school so I don't have to worry about the details which have all been arranged for us. I was planning to drive up alone but Wren is going through a particularly intense period of separation anxiety (he panics if I go outside to bring in the garbage can) and screams things like "I am going to lose my family" and today, at the school social "I think you sneak away from me!" This morning he told Joshua "I love you don't go to work." Perhaps he has seen the memo about me looking for work? Anyway, instead of being away for almost 24 hours I am going to bring the family with me. They can stay at the motel while I head off to the land of live music and VIP passes (oh joy) while they watch PPV movies and eat room service.

School starts next Wednesday which should bring us all down to earth.

Thing is, after this period of adjustment for all of us I think things will be much easier. By all accounts Frost should have a good year at this school and Wren will have more peace during the day. Even if I get a job I think things will work out after some discomfit. I will be happier. Just completing a job application I sense a huge resurgence of energy. In some ways my life at the moment feels like being on vacation without my suitcases. You know, you go on holiday and you think you are going to go swimming and look gorgeous and have all this time to read your books but the airline loses your luggage and you are in limbo. You buy some cheap PJs and some toiletries, you make do, but all the time you are missing your electric toothbrush and slippers.

Well, applying to return to work full-time feels like finding some suitcases which have been missing for 8 years. I've been on a long vacation in America using a travel toothbrush. Its been so long I have forgotten the combination to my luggage.

Of course its not so clearcut. Today I took the kids shopping and Wren had me in stitches with his thoughts. Frost earned 50c for doing some errands in the store and Wren asked for some money so I gave him a quarter.

On the way home Wren said "Do not look at me while I do something dangerous!"
"I am looking at you! What are you doing?" [I peek in the mirror]
"DO NOT LOOK AT ME!"
[Again, I peek in the rear vision mirror and see Wren with the quarter in his mouth. If you don't recall he swallowed two coins a few months ago which gave us all a scare.]
"WREN, SPIT IT OUT! Do not put money in your mouth." [I keep my eyes on Wren and the road, and the road.]
Frost starts screaming "DO NOT DO IT WREN. YOU WILL CHOKE! SPIT IT OUT."
Wren: "But I HAVE TO. It smell delicious. It taste like watermelon."
Me: "No, it does not! That is my lip gloss. Do not eat the money."
Wren: "I must do it. I must do it dangerous! Do not look at me!!!!"
I pull over. I take the money.
Wren is sad.
-------
In the bath last night Wren sees my fat belly. He asks "what is that" and I explain it is my belly which is fat because he was inside it when he was a baby [this is the same *BS* which my mother told me for many years. Bear in mind that she was 18 when she had me and I was not responsible for her long term weight gain. However, this family myth is easier to perpetuate than to stop eating double cream french cheese so I use it too.]

He looks worried and stands up in the bath.
"You not suck me back in?" He checks.
I make a funny face with my belly and say "I gooooonna suuuuck you in"
"NO NOT SUCK ME BACK IN" he says in a scared voice and gets out the bath.
"I was only joking" I say. Apparently I am so large that it is feasible that a nearly three year old could be consumed by my belly. Joshua says that I should not take it personally because Wren also fears being sucked down the plug hole, neither being rational concerns so perhaps I am overreacting.

Frost's 8 year Well Child Visit
Frost had his annual checkup with the Pediatrician today. Here are his stats:

Weight: 67lbs 80th percentile
Height: 51.5 inches 60th percentile

These were unchanged for the percentiles.

I talked about his night and morning cough and she felt it could be allergies to dust mites or something in his room since it was when he lay down and in the morning. She suggested we try Claritin after this current cough subsides to see if there is some allergy component.

He must drink more milk or take calcium supplements. He must drink less juice. He must clean his teeth in the morning as well as before bed.

In other words, Frost is fine.

Wren's Stats:
Weight: 31.5 lbs
Height: 37.5"

Wren is moving along OK but it would be great if he could make 32lbs by age 3 so he hits the 50th percentile.

Seeking Employment
As I mentioned earlier, I am actively looking for work. Its very exciting - almost like the feeling at graduation where you sense the many options before you. I have applied to the Gates Foundation. Working in one of their programs would be my ideal but it might take a while due to my break from fulltime work and the point that I haven't had paid work in the US. Thankfully there are many other exciting employers in Seattle.

My quick summary is: A market research professional with a history of high level academic and workplace performance looking for a position in a non-profit with an international focus. I am particularly interested in a program evaluation and improvement role and a position which requires reporting, writing and presenting information for a range of audiences. I am good at my work.

Apple Harvest

Last week Wren and I harvested all the ripe apples from our garden. We have two tiny apple trees espaliered to the side fence but they have produced a large number of apples. Here is Wren with the first bucket of apples.


We used Granny's old apple peeler to peel the apples. This peeler never worked well in on bought apples which are too large but it works very well on backyard apples. The kids didn't want to eat the apples but they sucked up the peel just as fast as they could make it.

Unfortunately the pictures of the peeler in action have not worked out but I shall post them anon.

Meanwhile here is the pie dish after the blueberry and apple pie was eaten. ALL GONE.

Wrenisms
While I was typing I have to note the latest Wrenisms. This morning I took Frost to the orthodontist. When Wren senses that I am going out he panics and follows me around hoping to come with me. He almost always does. This morning I told him we were going to the orthodontist and he kept following me around saying:

"We going to the awful dentist now? Wren is going too?"
"Yes, you are coming with me to take Frost to the dentist."
"We going now?"
"No, soon. You need shoes on."
"We going awful dentist now?"
"Why do you call him the awful dentist?"
"Mummy call him it. AWFULdentist."
"Oh, I said ORTHOdontist not AWFUL dentist."
"OOOH, I think you said it."

Dr Koh has now been renamed The Awful Dentist (which he is not).

Frost's teeth are doing well. The lower teeth are now straight and we are waiting a few months for one of his upper incisors to come down before upper braces start. They will be in for about 3-4 months.

Another odd thing Wren does is pick up little phrases that he thinks are cool. For some strange reason he has taken to yelling "BUD LIGHT!" as he does something dramatic. Bowling in the bedroom? As he bowls he yells "BUD LIGHT". As he does a trick its "BUD LIGHT!"

Bud Light is a brand of beer. We do not drink it. This is a mystery even Frost cannot solve.

Lego
I made this Lego tank and the kids are all fighting over it. I am pleased. It took a scarce hour out of an evening when Wren went to bed early.

Countdown to Brickcon '09 (and the legos going crazy)

Every couple of days Frost asks me how many days till Brickcon or how many days till Halloween. They are both in October and among the most anticipated days of his year. I bet he would pick Halloween over Christmas and Brickcon? Well, what can compare?

Frost's main goal in his savings is to have money to create a Lego army. He is building a "terrorist army" because they are the "Bad guys". Occasionally he plays that the bad guys are Hitler - his Jewish friends have told him stories about the bad things that happened under the Nazis so its very powerful to make a bad guy Hitler and I see Frost feels its a bit like saying F*ck. He looks around to see what will happen.

Anyway, the Terrorist Army [this is what you get growing up post September 11th) has taken over a tanker (what you get for reading the paper) and lines up along the edge with all their weaponry.

I have bought new storage for the lego and am shocked... genuinely shocked... at how much there is. I bought a large 4 drawer stacking bin and had to buy a second one and there are still about 3 drawers of overflow pieces. Our current storage is as follows:

1) Drawer for minifigures, horses and their equipment.
2) 1 drawer of grey / black castle and spaceship pieces.
3) 1 drawer of shrubbery, trees and green bases.
4) 1 drawer of Lego City (crane, boats, cars, signs)
5) 1 tub of BLUE blocks.
6) 1 small tub of white, 1 small tub of red.
7) 4 large drawers of mixed lego bits (including all of the above categories unsorted).

Joshua says he is not surprised because (by his wry estimate) we buy 1 pound of new lego per week (from thrift stores as well as new). While he vastly over-exaggerates there is definitely a pooling effect as no Lego is ever departs from our house. I am not sure what to do. To me, lego is an asset one does not let go. It is like potential energy. You store it up and it keeps well until you need to use it and then you may need any piece and you may need A LOT. How can you predict where imagination will take you?

Ode to the Banana Slug

Frost was at a PACSCI Summer Camp at Mercer Slough all week. This gave Wren and me the chance to go for morning walks along the nature trail. Did we do it? Only once but it was fun because Wren fell in love with slugs. Along the trail fat banana slugs trailed their silver slime across the black bark pathways which squish through the low marshy land adjacent to the slough (pronounced SLEW). Despite ample application of insect repellent mosquitoes followed us and huge leafed skunk cabbages made us wet with dew.

Wren first became interested in the slugs when I moved one off the path. "Save the sluggy" he said then touched one. "That is GROSS" he said, looking at his sticky fingers. "That is GROSS" he repeated, in Frost's exact intonation.

I showed him how to pick up a slug with a leaf and how their eyes (he says horns) retract when you touch them. He liked to touch them.

After a while he wanted to take them home in a bottle.

"I want a pet sluggy. He will slug in my waterjar. Slug, slug, sluggy. Where are you?"

I said we could have a banana slug for a pet but we should find a home for him first. Wren liked that idea.

I have a new camera so I should have pictures of the slug but I don't. Next time. There is a canoe trail through the Slough and I'd love to take my new binoculars on a ride up the river if I can find a canoe to use/rent/borrow. Its at times like these that I start to make a list of things to do with my mother when she visits next. She is a great companion for adventure.

The American Red Thing

"Mummy, where is the American Red Thing?" asked Wren today.
"The American red thing?" I asked, confused.
"YES, The A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N Red T-H-I-N-G" said Wren, frustrated. "We seed in the sky camping!"
"Oh, the sun!" I said, relieved. "That was the sunset we saw at Deception Pass."

As we were leaving Deception Pass we drove across the bridge and saw a splendid red sunset across the water. On seeing it, Wren was overwhelmed by the red ball of light was and shouted to us in alarm:

"Look. I SEE IT. WHAT IT IS?
It is A ANGEL!
It is a BIG RED DRAGON!"

I call this Wren's first poem.

Here is the sunset so variously named: the American red thing, the angel, the big red dragon. It was far more splendid in person - to my camera the sun is white and the sky orange but through my eye the sky was a tone of shadow while the sun was a shimmering red ball.

To and Fro

Frost has a summer camp in Bellevue this week and its been keeping me busy driving over to drop and fetch him every day. The full day camp has led to a great improvement in his spirits although he complains at times. He is now much less cantankerous, is nice and engaging, helpful, chatty and generally a more easy going person. Josh says he was bored and over-comfortable at home this summer. He has not been on many formal camps - fewer than last year.

While he was over at camp today (canoeing around the arboretum and navigating with a compass using a map his team drew) I went to the dermatologist to look at my iffy skin blemish. The dermatologist burned it off - saying it was either a skin cancer or pre-cancerous lesion. Lesion is a bad word. If it returns inside a month he is going to biopsy it but he thinks it unlikely.

I have an appointment for a full checkup in September which will afford us another chance to visit Cafe Nouveau in West Seattle which is just around the corner from my dermatologist. I won't go into it. Google it if you have a chance to go out and eat almond croissants or smoked salmon and fennel pizza. Totally.

Wren is well. He has made a friend of a little boy who lives around the corner. His name is Levon and his dad is Garth. Wren shared tomatoes and told Levon about the garage door. Levon tried to take the keys from Wren but Wren pulled them away. They tried to share but Levon likes to grab and Wren likes to possess. They are good buddies who have just met.

The garden is staring to brown down for fall and needs lots of pruning and raking.

I am about to fall down and need some refreshing myself.

More tomorrow and those pictures I promised.

Wren at Deception Pass

Poor Frost being put apon by Wren:

Strange dreams on the school expressway

The vortex has opened and we are all being sucked down, churned and whirled inexorably towards the day school starts again. When I turned on NPR this morning the show was about the early outbreaks of swine flu emerging as East Coast schools return. How Purell is now in many classrooms and school nurses are being vigilant in monitoring kids for fever.

My email has some messages from the PDHeart list. Apparently the concern about swine flu is that the vaccine will not be available until mid October and an outbreak could build before then. We shall have to try and encourage Frost to bring home our usual winter viral cocktail later in the year.

This morning I joined with hordes of parents ticking from lists of Back To School Supplies and, buying only exactly what was on the list, I spent $75.85. That was the Office Depot discount brands too. Nothing fancy except that I bought composition books with orange covers instead of black spots. In her note, Frost's new teacher mentioned that half of the supplies would go to the class store and not into the child's own desk so "if you have bought something special" you may want to leave that at home.

Frost has nothing to leave at home.

Frost was excited to receive a letter from his new teacher. She welcomed him to her class and told him what they would be studying this year. They are going to cover:

• Ancient Egypt in social studies


• Rivers, watersheds, formation of mountains and volcanoes in geography


• Learn cursive (uh oh, Frost is barely fluent in basic letters)


• Practice writing and telling stories (poems, essays and articles)


• Master strategies for solving multiplication and division in many ways


• Learn and use fractions


• Meet in literature circles to talk about books


• Create dramatic productions about the lives of famous people


• Explore rocks, minerals, plants and sound in science, and


• read, read, read, read, read.

With the exception of cursive writing these are all things that interest Frost so I hope he has a good year. We are going to go in the day before school starts to meet his teacher and find his desk. I think this will help him feel more at home on his first day.

The back to school jitters must be affecting me (infecting me!!) because I have been having strange dreams. Last night I dreamt that a Stellars Jay was sitting in a tree near a field. I walked into the field and the jay flew down from behind and attacked me. I managed to catch it and held it (loosely, as I might hold a chicken to look at its beak). Just then another jay started to fly and peck. I jerked my neck sideways to escape the jay and woke with a sore neck!

The next dream was more ominous. I was touring a glorious cathedral that looked somewhat like notre dame and climbed out onto a roof parapet to look at the view. While there I noticed that the blocks (which looked like pale bricks) from which it was made had no mortar. The mortar had crumbled away and any block could be knocked or removed with ease. I suddenly realized that the cathedral was like one of Wren's teetering block towers which could tumble at any time. I tried to explain this to a monk but he said that it had always been that way and they liked living with uncertainty.

I don't. Not that much.

Weekend Camping at Deception Pass
I have been quiet for a few days because we were camping at Deception Pass. I went up with Frost, Alex and Wren on Friday and we set up in the group camp with KapKa. It was beautiful weather - misty in the mornings but bright sun when the fog burned off. Its an outstandingly lovely park except for the fighter jets doing manoeuvers overhead for hours.

I shall post pictures in another entry.

This week Frost in at Summer Camp near Lake Washington. They are canoeing, building shelters and learning to survive in the wild. I hope he has fun. Its our last formal activity this summer and then he has 9 days before school begins to chill, read and have playdates.

We have redone Frost's room to give him a larger desk to do homework (yes HOMEWORK - he never had it before) and still have space to play. He has a beanbag, a loftbed and will soon have an ipod dock.

I shall post a picture when it is complete.

Deep Apologies to Facebookers and Friends afar

I just wanted to say that I love the comments I receive on this blog. You see any on the comments here? No? Well its because most people seem to comment via Facebook. That is still lovely for me but its not lovely for them because I am a lousy lousy Facebook messager. I only message on Facebook as an absolute last resort (as I did today when Laine felt she had offended me because I had ignored her for so long).

Its really not personal. At least, I don't mean it to be.

Its because the Facebook app steals my messages or they get lost before I finish them. Most days I am extremely interrupted at home. I only type freely on days off or at night or a bit at naptime if Frost is out. So, I really intend to do better and shall try harder because I much prefer dialogue to an endless soliloquy.

Please forgive me for now and if you really want a reply, include your email in your Facebook message. That way, I can just paste it into my gmail and respond to you there.

To those of you who know the evil truth that my email is backed up for days as well please know that I have composed emails to you in my mind. We have had conversations. We have sipped our wine. Tamsyn, David, Mum, James, Kelly, Natasha, Jeanelle, Sandy - I am thinking of you and/or emails you have sent but just never get around to writing in more than sound bites. I hope we catch up eventually.

Bizarre Injuries bring out the Seer

[Edited to get Wren's words right]

I was a bit OCD as a child. I thought that if I did anything I had to repeat it (MyAge+1)x or I would die. This included things like skipping, hopping over lines in the sidewalk without touching and throwing and catching a ball. It became harder as I grew older but I also had more skill so my fear of death receded over time.

I also collected numbers. I liked to keep my bus tickets (each one had a discrete serial number) and recorded the numbers that city workers left on things like fire hydrants and sidewalk access hatches. I felt that there might be some clue to life, some code that could be solved. Something that the adults were doing that they hadn't told me.

Later, I read a Roald Dhal short story about a man who has a form of extra-sensory perception that allows him to see through cards. I borrowed books on ESP from the library and spent a long time researching Kundalini and Uri Geller to see if I could read minds. For a long time I believed that I had a super-power of microscopic vision and that those little motes of fat one sees dancing across the eye were actually microscopic particles in the air that only I could see!

Uri Geller

Anyway, after a few more decades of reading the potents in tarot cards and secret societies I have largely morphed my belief in portents into a healthy respect for the buddha's teachings and a quixotic category of "I don't know but I like to imagine" which includes looking at the stars in dark places and being SURE that Wren did so well in his last surgery because I found so many sand dollars on the beach the month before. [I found lots on Vashon before his July appointment so the significance was confirmed.]

This brings me to yesterday.

Yesterday, I received two strange injuries and they feel ominous [omen-ous?]

FIRST I was mauled by a chicken. The artifact is a large red scratch across the side of my face onto my eyelid.

SECOND I squeezed a sliver of my stomach between the upper and lower sections of a loft bed we were assembling. The artifact is a small red line of broken blood vessels.

I am really at a loss to know what the universe is telling me. Is it that I should lose weight and give people more space? Should I become vegetarian?

[ASIDE: In the bath last night I was feeding Wren his leftover beef fajita when he asked:
"What is this stuff? It look like chicken poop."
[Wren throws it on the bathmat.]
"Its beef, meat from a cow. Don't throw meat."
"A cow?"
"A cow from the shop."
"Which cow?"
"I don't know which cow."
"You went to the farm and which cow did you picked the body off?"
"No, someone else killed the cow and sold it at the shop."
"Cow is very strong. It is hard to bite it."

Anyway, I shall post a picture of my mortal injuries later. Actually, not my belly. I am not ready to post a picture of my belly yet.

The mortal damage to my beauty

Tuesday being busy kind of

I have 6 appointments in my planner today. SIX is not bad for a stay-at-home momsicle. I have already been to the masseur to deal with my neck issues. If you're envious and imagining me lying in the twilight while someone plays elevator music and soothes my soul, think again. These days masseurs are hard core [read pilates] advocates who adjust your structure [read your bones and core muscles] with deep probing and thrusting. Since most of my readers are mothers whom I assume have no sex life you won't read any double entendre into that but just in case, let me clarify, probing and thrusting into my brain via the armpit is not sexy.

I felt great afterwards.

Next was Taking Wren to Art School. He was querulous when we arrived and decided it was time to go home. Now. Immediately. I told him he could go home after art class so he did one painting and then said it was time to go home. Now. Immediately. The teachers are very nice and allow parents to stay so I prepared to sit in the lounge and wait with Frost reading Farside. Wren found that too alarmingly far and cried to go home (now, etc etc) so I had to join him on the mat playing with small stuffed rodents in a basket. I played squirrel, chipmunk, beaver (rodent?) and oppossum (not rodent?). Then I played with the little people and the stuffed bears. I started to tell Wren the story of the 3 bears in a funny voice and before long I had half the preschool class gathered around involved in the story. Thankfully the teacher came over with the Three Bears story and suggested storytime so I was able to escape and am now typing this post from a spot in the shrubbery outside preschool. It is shady and there are no children in sight.

After Wren is done at preschool I will be going to the chiropractor. While I was lying on the massage table I did my best to get the masseur to tell me to stop seeing the chiropractor but she said that some bodies respond well to bone adjustment. I shall have to see how I respond. Right now I feel that I prefer the deep probing to the violent wrenching

Update on the Chiropractor
I am going to see the chiropractor a few more times but I am not sure I like her. I mean, I like her but she has really drunk the Koolaid on chiropractic work and wants to do direct debits from my checking account for a monthly total of 12 visits. Are you insane woman? Anyway, after the adjustment I feel worse than before but have failed to find any google records for chiropractors who have actually broken patients necks so it must just be a feeling I have.

I may try another chiropractor recommended by my naturopath. He doesn't see you more than every few weeks. I welcome successful chiropractor stories. Actually, I welcome any stories of chiropractors who break necks, too. It would help my though processes.

Then later on...
Later, I have someone coming over for my 3-bin-compost system (which I made with my own hands and saw and hammer in the days when I did things like that) which I donated FREE on Craigslist. The people who are taking it are going to use it in a P-Patch (community garden) in West Seattle which is a good home for it.

I made this

Later still, Josh is going to collect and assemble the loft bed we bought on the weekend.

Later still still, I hope to meet my friend Laurie for drinks. We have tried to talk while our kids have playdates but its too hectic to speak. Those childless among you may not believe me. But it is impossible to speak sequentially while 2, 4 and 8 year olds are playing.

Follow up to the career crisis post
Thank you to all of you who responded to my earnings angst, my career crisis, my big-blob of motherhood moment. I can divide responses into two groups. The first group is from mother's who have gone through the same thing and come out the other side. They said [to paraphrase] come and talk to me, you need to work at this, its not your fault, we have been there and you will get through it]. This group includes my mother. Thank you.

The other group of responses said [to paraphrase] "you are obsessing about this and should just follow your heart and do what you are interested in love and if it doesn't work there is still the chance to do something else, life's not rigid, you are talented, you are still you, there are plenty of jobs out there. Just get one if you want." This group loosely includes my husband.

And lets just say that that sort of talk is kind but nonconstructive.

Some time ago I read a copy of Brain Child in which a writer complained that when she was at home full time the cost of her labor at home was effectively deducted from her husband's paycheck but when she wanted to go back to work the cost of the childcare was supposed to be met by her nascent employment. This makes it very hard to earn enough to make it viable to afford quality childcare.

I like the idea of organizing childcare and then getting a job but that may be unrealistic - what if the hours don't match or I can't find a job soon enough? Anyway, I am going to avoid the whole cost-of-childcare obstacle while I weigh my options.

Aside, for my mother and Josh
I know you are the only one interested in the details of my neck diagnosis. The masseur is trained as an osteopath, pilates instructor AND masseur. She says she is very pleased that all my neck symptoms 'make sense' and then explained what is wrong. Apparently I have a lot of tension across my front upper chest which you can see by my rounded shoulders which cannot pull back. This puts my neck at the wrong angle - leaning too far forward. It is also asymmetrical - probably from those years carrying Frost on one side in the sling. This means my right shoulder pulls my neck vertebra to the left where there is a lot of muscle tension. The right side overcompensates lower down to pull it back. Her goal is to open up my front breastbone area (am I a chicken or is there a better word?) and muscles so my back and neck alignment is correct. Then the muscles will stop the spasms. I need to strengthen my core muscles to help holding my chest more erect rather than slumping. My first exercise is to lie on my back on a tennis ball to work into the tight muscle under my right shoulder blade.